Trust. It’s such a simple, yet complex word. It invokes so many underlying emotions. Trust in yourself. Trust in others. Trust in God. The options are endless. Something that I always associate with trust is control, or lack thereof. In order to trust, you need to give up control. I want to share with you how I learned to trust in God over the last year and give Him control.
Anyone that knows me knows how much I love to travel. I’ve been dreaming about studying abroad since I can remember. Last summer, I had it all planned out; I would spend my Spring semester (2019) in London. I thought I had everything figured out - until it all came crumbling down around me. I met with my academic adviser in early July and she broke the news to me - I wasn’t going to be able to attend the classes I wanted abroad unless I changed programs or moved it to a later semester. I was heartbroken. I called my mom and cried for what felt like hours. How could something I spent so much time planning just fall apart in the blink of an eye? Little did I know, God had much bigger plans in store for me.
The spring semester that I was supposed to be abroad ended up being one of the most monumental semesters of my college career thus far. I changed my major because I finally found my passion. I made new friends who are like family to me. I went on an impulse road trip with one of my best friends to Oklahoma. I shared my sin struggles for the first time with someone who holds me accountable. I watched one of my best friend’s get baptized. I organized a conference for high school girls. I presented to groups of 50+ high school students and their families that were interested in Iowa State (8 times!). I ran a 5k with my mom. I bonded with my newborn nephew. I found a great internship. I convinced my friend to study abroad with me this Fall.
God completely wrecked MY plans because His plan was so much better. I can’t imagine what my life would look like if I didn’t get the chance to have these experiences over the past 6 months. I am so much more prepared for my study abroad experience because of the challenges I had to face to get to this point, but He wasn’t even close to being finished.
The biggest hurdle, by far, that I’ve had to face in my college career is finances. I’ve been blessed with many scholarships and grants and the opportunity to take out student loans, but it’s not always enough. I’m a firm believer that paying for your own education adds more value to your education experience. I have such an appreciation for every class I take because I know how much I had to work to get there. When it came to paying for my study abroad, I knew it was going to be an uphill battle. Luckily, by having to move it to the fall - I already had more opportunities than I would have had with my original plan (#blessed).
I spent all of my spring semester writing and re-writing essays for every scholarship I could apply for. By mid-April, they were all submitted and the waiting game had begun - there was literally nothing I could do. (Hello control issues, how have you been?) In preparation for the worst outcome, I’ve worked 2 jobs all summer. The 60 hour work weeks are exhausting, but I couldn’t let my dream fade away. I’ve run my finances a million times, trying to prepare for every possible scenario and then something happened that I could’ve never predicted.
On July 3rd, I woke up in a panic with the urge to check my bank account. I groggily grabbed my phone and logged in. Straight 0s across all accounts. My heart dropped - there was literally no way this could’ve happened. I called the bank - no answer because it was 6:30 in the morning. I called my mom while sobbing hysterically (sound familiar?). All I could do was wait until they opened. It was the most agonizing 2 hours of my life and then I got a phone call.
I wasn’t a victim of fraud and I couldn't get the money back that easily. A company, that is currently suing the family farm during our bankruptcy proceeding, garnished both my checking and savings account. All of it was gone. I broke down while at work and every time I thought about it for the next few days. I ran my finances again and again - there was no way I was going to be able to afford to study abroad and still have money to buy things like food and coffee(!) while I was overseas. I was at a standstill. I was still waiting to hear back on scholarships. I was waiting to hear back from our lawyer on what we could do about my lost savings.
I was physically and mentally stuck. My anxiety levels were at an all-time high. I had lost control over everything and it was mere inches from falling apart around me - again. I screamed at God. I was so frustrated. I broke down in tears singing worship songs in my car. “Trust, Kennedy, you have to trust Him”, I repeated over and over again. I ran my fingers along my side, over the words tattooed in my skin, “Praise Him.” Praise Him through the fiercest storm and on the most beautiful day. Praise Him in your highest highs and in your lowest lows. Praise Him as though your life depends on it. Give up control and praise Him. It was all I could do, I had no other option.
I got another phone call today. A call that would change my situation entirely. I received a scholarship that will cover the rest of my semester abroad. My university is meeting about what else they can do to help make my dream a reality. I called my mom while crying (again). I called my Dad in pure joy (that’s new). I broke down at work (again). I praised God (again). I broke down in tears singing worship songs in my car (again). I was reminded, once again, that God’s plan is so much bigger and so much better than anything I could ever imagine. Praise Him and trust His plan.